Hey guys, thanks for visiting our blog. If you made your way to this website, you’re more than likely a good friend, family member, or really bad at looking up porn-or, in the case of my buddy Matt Salt, a little of all three. Everyone writing here is a very knowledgeable, witty sports fan, and we hope you like what you read!
I came up with the idea to start this blog about two weeks ago. I then proceeded to get drunk for thirteen straight days, and here we stand (just kidding, but not really). Without possessing an actual summer “job”, I needed a way to validate all the sports I watch before my dad starts making me pay for my own Del Taco. After writing for the USD Vista for the past two years and having the privilege to cover such big-time college sporting events as the Torero football team’s heartbreaking Homecoming loss to Dayton and anything women’s crew did, I am more than a little excited to write about sports that people actually care about. Tyler, Chris, and Morgan have all spent time as Sports editors for the Vista, and they have done a great job with their weekly opinion columns. Joe is from New Mexico, so that’s cool too. The name of our blog is a reference to ESPN’s “Sports Guy” Bill Simmons, who had a similar humble beginning as a blogger and now hangs out with celebrities like Ric Bucher and Jimmy Kimmel’s cousin. We’ve set the bar pretty low. Now onto the good stuff, and thanks again for coming!
P.S. I was kidding about the whole Salt looking up porn thing. He’s actually really good at finding his stuff.
The Finals: Why You Should Pull For the Mavs
Trust me, I am well aware that this year’s NBA Finals has easily become the most scrutinized playoff series in the history of sports. With ESPN, NBAtv, Twitter (lame), Facebook (I’m on it, but…lame), there have never been more angles taken by more people on a postseason match-up. Ever. “LeBron’s a great facilitator.” “LeBron’s too unselfish.” “LeBron’s choking.” “LeBron’s upset after his mom was seen leaving Jeff Van Gundy’s hotel room prior to kicking bellhop’s ass at 4 A.M.” It’s ridiculous. I spent ten minutes today watching a SportsCenter special on some 75-year-old German guy named Holger who has taught Dirk Nowitzki to shoot… like a 75-year-old German guy named Holger.
Luckily for us, the series has been incredible. Maybe it’s not worthy of the 24-hour coverage it’s receiving, but we live in the same country that has turned anything Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, or Justin Bieber does into headline news. (Alright, Bieber’s cute, but you get my point). Each of the five games has been well-played, exciting, and close until the final minutes. There are four sure-fire Hall of Famers on the court, and two of them are playing at the highest level of their careers. (Kidd and LeBron have seen better days). Plus, Jim Carrey and Dean Cain are coaching the teams! If James Cameron isn’t sitting at home drooling over “Superman vs. The Mask: Protect the Rim”, he apparently doesn’t have the cinematic mind we all thought he did.
These Finals have also been so nice as to provide us with a clear-cut group of heroes to cheer for and villains to cheer against. Unless you’re from Miami or a convicted felon, which team is which should be pretty obvious. When LeBron took his talents and Bosh took whatever it is that he has to South Beach this off-season, the Heat instantly became the most hated team in the NBA-and for good reason. They are going to be this good (and probably better) for the next five or six years. A championship for them this year spells big trouble for the rest of the NBA in the future. Meanwhile, the Mavs just seem like a bunch of nice veterans who completely understand that this is their last chance to get a ring. They play their asses off, and their will to win has already propelled them to at least two of the greatest comebacks in playoff history. You gotta pull for them, you just gotta!
Before I give you my reasons why the Mavs are the good guys and the Heat aren’t, I want you to know I am fully aware that the Heat will probably still win. That’s the way sports work. Gordon Heyward’s half-court shot rims out, the Yankees have 27 rings, and the girl Kobe raped in Colorado had to choose the wrong pair of panties to wear out that night. They’re not fair. I honestly chose this topic because we are rapidly approaching the end of the basketball season. I am one of the biggest baseball fans around, but I can only write so much on the high-powered Padre offense. It’s getting to the point where I am just watching to see if Dick Enberg mistakes another ground-rule double for a home-run. He’s up to 74 this year, six ahead of last year’s record pace. Anyways, here you go…
The Mavs: The Girls Next Door
1. Dirk: He’s unbelievable. I’ve never seen someone take (and make) so many off balance, one-footed, contested shots in my life. We have yet to see a player like him, and unless our boy Holger stays alive long enough to mentor another lanky seven-footer, we probably won’t see another. He seems like an all-around nice guy, and you can tell he wants this more than anyone. The relationship between the U.S. and Germany has been a little testy at times, but with all the joy Nowitzki and the Hoff have brought us over the past 20 years, I say bring on the Schnitzel!
2. Jason Terry: As a UNLV homer, I could never write anything bad about Curtis Terry’s half-brother. Curtis went from being possibly my least-favorite Rebel of all time to one of my most-liked in the span of a year. He was terrible for three years, and all of the sudden, he was leading UNLV to a win in the NCAA Tournament. He’s also the only player I’ve ever seen in person get a ten-second violation against no pressure. Needless to say, his brother is a lot better. During the regular season, I’m pretty sure he shot 90% in the fourth quarter, and he hasn’t been much worse in the playoffs. I don’t think I had ever seen him dribble until Game 4, and now he’s blowing by LeBron like it’s his job (well, it kind of is, but you know what I mean).
3. Shawn Marion: The UNLV homer part deux. Marion, a Rebel for one year, has resurrected his career in these playoffs. Playing with the Suns and Steve Nash, he put up ridiculous numbers throughout his time in Phoenix. He had an outside shot at the Hall of Fame, but then his ego got in the way. Long story short, Suns management gave Amare Stoudemire a bobblehead night over Marion, and he wanted out. He thought he could survive without Nash, but it quickly became evident he was wrong. At least until four weeks ago, when he got the spring back in his legs and returned to being a force on both sides of the floor. He also shoots like a girl, and we all know the world loves women's basketball!
4. J.J. Barea: Being a 5’7” white point guard who wore #11 and grew up in the Video Game Era, I have created many a likeness of myself on NBA Live. Every one of them looks just like J.J. Barea. So you can imagine my delight in watching him carve up defenses and take over games for five-minute stretches at a time. He plays just like I do! Not in real life, mind you, but on NBA Live. I know he’s Puerto Rican, but I’ve been to New York and can salsa dance like no other… we’re practically twins!
5. Brian Cardinal: Are you kidding me? The Mavericks had already worked their way into America’s heart, and then they throw this baller at us? Unlike the rest of you, I had actually heard of Brian Cardinal. Not for anything he did on the court, but because I remember him being the only balding white American in the Big Ten when he was at Purdue 12 years ago. Now look at him! Running around aimlessly, flopping all over the place, and behaving like any white guy who has ever played and wanted nothing to do with actually touching the ball (Translation: 99% of all white players). I jokingly texted my dad that Cardinal was my first pick everytime we chose teams at 24 Hour Fitness. He wrote back “At the 24 Hour in Bosnia?” Not sure where he was going with that one, but once again, Brian Cardinal is not a household name. Yet…
The Heat: The Mean Girls
1. LeBron: I’m not a LeBron hater, I just don’t like him very much and don’t really want him to succeed. Ok, I’m a LeBron hater. He’s a freak of nature and actually seems to be a somewhat amiable guy. I just don’t really like the way he plays, and you can’t forgive him for what he did to Cleveland. Unless it makes sense for a player to choose living in Miami over Ohio and have a chance to win a ring every year, because then you can forgive him. He did quit on his team last year and is in the process of pulling one of the great disappearing acts in recent memory in this series. I almost feel bad for him for having to deal with all the scrutiny he does, but then he’ll start a press conference with “We was” or “Me and D-Wade” and my sympathy goes out the window.
2. D-Wade: I’m actually a huge fan of Wade and everything he stands for. He’s a great player and has probably been the best player on the floor all five games. I don’t even blame him for leaving his ex-wife for Gabrielle Union. What I do blame him for, however, is the way he spells his name. Dwyane. Dwyane! Not Dwayne, not Duane, but Dwyane. I could even accept “Dwain.” But Dwyane? Try pronouncing that name phonetically. The mouth doesn’t work that way! It’s impossible. How has this not become a bigger story?
3. Pat Riley: He just seems like a real doucher. Sitting behind the bench with his watchful eyes, slick back hair and nice suit. Who does he think he is? Pat Riley? Poor Erik Spoelstra. He works his way up the ranks in the Heat organization, lands his dream job, and has to deal with the Godfather scrutinizing every decision from three feet away. 2/1 odds that if the Heat win game 6 Riley fires Spoelstra and steals a ring like he did from Stan Van Gundy in 2006. So what if I copied Riley’s hair in fourth grade and have the yearbook picture to prove it? If I hadn’t been without a few baby teeth, I could’ve been GQ’in too damnit.
4. Chris Bosh: Mainly because he seems to possess the personality of a sober USD sorority chick. His interviews are terrible, and I am pretty sure I could do the Dougie better than him if given the opportunity. He doesn’t seem comfortable in the limelight, especially as the third option on offense. He’s still a top-5 Power Forward in the league, but he could never carry a team to a ring. Then again, neither could Lebron. I guess that’s how we got here.
5. Joel Anthony: I have absolutely nothing bad to say about Anthony, but it pains me when a great offensive player doesn’t demand the ball every possession. Ok, he went to UNLV too, and I just wanted to throw him in here. He might be the only player I’ve ever seen who defenders run away from, but that’s beside the point. Unlike college, he’s playing for the wrong team.
Well there you have it, the first entry onto our little blog. I hope it hasn’t sent you running for the hills, and if it has, come back to read what the other guys have to say. Go Mavs!
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